A Late-Bloomer's Perspective on the Importance of Pride

This time of year we hear a lot of different perspectives about Pride events. Are they relevant anymore? What’s the point? And inevitably, “Why aren’t there any straight pride events?” (don’t even get me started!). I’m a late bloomer in so many aspects of my life, including my ability to live authentically as a queer woman. Here’s my perspective on the importance of Pride.

In my teen years, I had no words to describe my experience of attractions to females. Being gay was so far outside my life experience (preachers kid in a small farming community in the early 1980’s) that I did not even think to describe myself as such. I just tried to be ‘normal’ and fit in. Pride was not on my radar. Surviving was.

I married a man in my early 20’s, then had a child shortly thereafter. Pride was not on my radar that decade either, but my 30’s…different story completely.

In my 30’s I fell in love with one of my best (girl)friends. Yep. Still gay. Pride events were definitely on my radar at this point, but I had no excuse to go. I was a married "straight" woman trying desperately to rid myself of my ‘sinful’ desires. I felt flawed, disgraceful …and depressed. I did everything I could to do the ‘right’ thing, in hopes that my inner torment would dissolve. My feelings did not align with my daily lived experience, and the dissonance was absolutely exhausting. I surrounded myself with individuals who also believed that being gay was not in my best interest. And I began supporting others in their quests not to be gay. Turns my stomach that I involved myself in the very thing that created such dissonance in me. But it was the ‘right’ thing…the Holy, Godly, righteous thing to do, or so I thought. So, in my 30’s I was very aware when Pride was happening. I was very aware that I desperately wanted to go…to watch…to see…if it was really all that horrible, evil, sinful. But I didn’t go, because I thought that would be the ‘wrong’ thing to do.

Finally (!!!) at 40 years old, I came out! At 40, I went to my first Pride event, the Portland Pride Parade. It was by far one of the most joy-filled days I had ever experienced! After so many years of hiding me I walked through streets filled with thousands of people – gay, straight, bi, parents, trans, kids, even decorated puppies (ahem…some leather-clad puppies too…). It was by far the most gorgeous display of humanity I had ever seen.

And I was there! I fit. I belonged. I was loved. I had NO idea the community was so big! I had not realized how much joy was in the community. I cried throughout the day, as I do at every Pride. I got hugs (and ‘PFLAG Loves Me’ stickers) from the PFLAG parents. I got hugs from pastors, politicians, and nuns. It was a love-fest of epic proportions. That day, I knew I was going to be okay as I moved forward in this new ‘out’ life.

.

What’s so important about Pride? We still need this space to celebrate all we have gone through as a group, and as individuals. We need to see and experience all of the support we really do have. We need a place for the newly ‘out’ to go and realize they are going to be okay… that they are loved. We need a place for those who have yet to come out, and show up at Pride discreetly, and scared, and wondering…

And, we still need to march for our freedoms. Until the LGBTQ community around the world is experiencing safety, equality, and freedom, we must march. There must be parades. There must be safe spaces like this for our youth.

Please know that showing up to the Parade does matter. It really does. I was forever changed by every person who lined the streets to cheer…for every person who walked in the parade. I had never experienced such inner freedom as in that moment. Every single year I have gone to Pride is the same experience for me. I am keenly aware of all the lost years. How I shut myself down to be something I was not. How I missed out, on authenticity, love, friendship, and freedom, but now I am HERE, at Pride, surrounded by love, celebrating! Let’s do this thing Portland!

Happy Pride beautiful people!!